An Excerpt from The Trust Circle: Unlock the Power of Relationships to Lead with Impact
In The Trust Circle, Daniel Hallak shows us how to smoothly navigate leadership challenges by building and maintaining strong relationships.
Based on the idea that leaders shouldn't lead alone and that strong relationships are essential for sustainable leadership success, The Trust Circle delivers a practical framework for leadership development, especially during critical career or business transitions. Written by growth strategy and leadership expert Daniel Hallak, this book identifies the different types of relational investors readers need, shows them how to build a personal board of advisors, and sets the stage for them to develop the skills and habits necessary for creating a sustainable leadership career.
The Trust Circle is required reading for CEOs, entrepreneurs, and anyone who wants to learn how to lead well for the long term, especially those in times of transition and those facing isolation, loneliness, or burnout.
The excerpt below comes from the book's opening chapter, "Leaders Shouldn’t Be Lonely," and discusses a common trap leaders fall into.
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The Isolation Trap
It’s clear that we’re hard-wired for connection.1 Empirical research across psychology and the social sciences underscores Tina’s experience in her life and work and yours too. Social support, in different forms, is a foundational part of healthy and happy living, from links to happiness and longevity, mental health, or even thriving for newborns and babies.2 Leaders need connection. It’s dangerous when leaders lead alone.
Isolation is the result of leading alone. An isolated leader is disconnected with no one to show them the potential pitfalls in front of them or to shed light on the blind spots around them. Being unaware of blind spots is a key reason that leaders derail.3 If you have no one giving you candid, honest feedback, you’ll never realize your fatal flaws till it’s too late. Isolated leaders also carry the full weight of responsibility without anyone to shoulder their burdens. The weight of leading falls solely on them. At first, it’s possible to hold up under the pressure but over time gravity usually wins and an isolated leader will be crushed. Isolation causes leaders to falsely believe that they have no one whom they can rely on for support. Isolation means leading alone.
At best, an isolated leader won’t lead to their full potential, relying on their own capabilities and limited perspective.4 Athletics provides a great example. In nearly every sporting activity, athletes train with other people so that they can go further, become faster, and get stronger. I’ve witnessed the same in leadership. Connected leaders refine each other. As the ancient proverb says, “iron sharpens iron.” Think about a leader without mentors for perspective or advisors for input on important decisions. This leader will make decisions in a vacuum only to be surprised by the unintended results. Isolated leaders have fewer relational resources to draw on when making hiring decisions, forming partnerships, or taking big family risks like a major move or job change. Isolation is especially dangerous in critical transitions.
Isolated leaders are disconnected from reality. They find that their businesses don’t carry the value that they believed. Lonely leaders don’t keep pace with scaling, growing operations. The weight of their business demands starts to exceed their leadership capacity and strength. Many times, lonely leaders will hold onto their position too long because it defined their identity. These leaders avoid intentional succession planning because they can’t picture life beyond their business.
At worst, an isolated leader can seriously hurt the people whom they are supposed to lead and even derail themselves. Think about the leadership scandals that hit the news: pastors, politicians, professors, and company presidents. The next time you see a leader who derails in some way, look for potential signs of isolation. While it’s not the only factor, it’s often a strong and contributing one.
Leaders who have people around them have built-in checks and balances, whether liked or not, to temper their thinking and question their decisions. These relationships can help leaders compensate for their weaknesses. Every leader needs people to care for them or counterbalance them. When you are surrounded by an intentional circle of relationships, it creates a safety net to catch you when you stumble. Better yet, it provides a personal board of advisors to perceive the peril ahead and navigate around it. Whoever is in your circle of relational investors, they can make the difference in your direction.
One example is Rich and Steve Gund, two brothers who forged a relationship that went beyond business and further than family. The Gund brothers took over a dysfunctional family business together. When they took over the business, the prior generation’s relationships were toxic, and the business was stagnated. The brothers have complementary talents and different perspectives but a willingness to practice humility with each other. They realized that their ability to work together could be a difference maker. Rich describes himself as Mr. Inside, focused on operations and finance, with Steve taking on the role of Mr. Outside, focused on sales, marketing, and purchasing. From day one, they decided to align themselves on something bigger than themselves. They see the business as a vehicle for a life of purpose, not privilege, for themselves and their employees.
Together, they’ve relied on each other in an uncommon way. They work intentionally on their relationship, fine-tuning their trust in each other and allowing them to handle difficult family issues with dignity and respect. They’ve also intentionally been there for each other. Rich and Steve said, “When one of us gets tired, the other takes the baton and runs the next leg.” They described their relationship as a healthy business marriage, a true partnership together in life and in work. The Gund brothers proved that isolation doesn’t have to be the storyline and that connection is a powerful foundation for a leadership partnership.
So how does isolation happen? Some leaders purposefully isolate themselves to gain power or control. I’ve seen leaders intentionally design organizational systems that have fewer accountability mechanisms to challenge their vision or ideals. Isolation can be a choice, a protective mechanism so that they aren’t challenged. Yet, most leaders don’t set out to become isolated. Many lonely leaders slowly drift into isolation over time as they grow in responsibility.
The very nature of the role of leader is isolating.5 It takes a great deal of intentionality and persistence to resist the fallacy of selfreliance. You are trusted with information that you must hold in solidarity, sometimes legally unable to share the burden that you are shouldering. Many leaders might not know who to trust. Does a team member genuinely want to help and assist you, or are they angling to position themselves for the next promotion? Which people on your team are smiling to your face and gossiping behind your back? Many leaders I’ve worked with desperately crave someone to talk to, but they don’t know who or where to turn for advice or support or insight.
Other leaders want to grow and develop, but they don’t receive enough quality feedback on how people perceive them. Criticism and complaints don’t count. Awareness about the problems in the organization doesn’t necessarily constitute as helpful feedback. When feedback is delivered, it’s often met with skepticism. What are the motives of the person who shared the feedback? What’s their agenda? It can be hard to filter what to heed and what to ignore. It takes intentional efforts to fight the inertia of isolation when you are leading.
Isolation isn’t just a work issue. Countless leaders I’ve coached confess that the pressure of family obligations alongside a challenging job leave them feeling as though they have no place to get support. CEO owners often feel this the most. They feel personal responsibility for the business and the livelihood of their employees. The pressure can be overwhelming. Sometimes this gets exhibited in anger and impatience with their family members or in emotional distance to maintain the energy to survive another day. The ripple effects of isolation carry further than the workplace.
Unfortunately, isolated leaders are often the rule, not the exception. It’s why I wrote this book. The antidote is the power of having the right relationships across the domains and seasons of life. The good news is that many leaders already have the relationships that they need—their circle is available, just not activated. Accessing those relationships is worth it.
About the Author
DANIEL HALLAK, PhD, is nationally recognized as a premier facilitator who specializes in growth strategy, leadership development, and organizational performance. As a partner in The Sage Group™ he is responsible for translating that into a Path to Value™ for owners and their teams. He also helped launch WiLD Leaders Inc., a company that creates high performing organizations through high-trust teams and cultures. With a PhD in Industrial-Organizational Psychology, he blends scientific rigor with practical insights from coaching CEOs and business owners through critical inflection points including scaling, selling, and succession planning. His work has been featured by TED and in Forbes and Psychology Today.
